Potholes in the London Borough of Barnet
Received: 13 January 2025
I trust this message finds you well and navigating a suitably pothole-free existence. Regrettably, as a humble road user, I have not been afforded such luxuries in Barnet's fine borough. Indeed, I write to you with a heart heavier than the average speed bump and a suspension system begging for mercy.Under the Freedom of Information Act 2000, I formally request the following information:1. The number of potholes reported in Barnet borough in the last five years, broken down by year. (Feel free to provide these figures in imperial measurements or any obscure metric system you deem appropriate, as long as it underscores the magnitude of the crisis.)2. The total budget allocated to road maintenance for the past five years and the percentage of this budget that has been spent on pothole repair specifically. I'm particularly curious to know if the potholes are being filled with artisanally sourced moon dust, given the time it sometimes takes for repairs.3. The average time it takes from a pothole being reported to it being repaired. (If the answer is 'when hell freezes over,' feel free to say so explicitly.)4. A list of the ten largest potholes reported in Barnet, ideally with dimensions. Bonus points if you can name them'I suggest 'The Abyss of Finchley' or 'Crater of Doom (Mill Hill Edition)''as this might save time when discussing them at council meetings.5. Details of any claims for vehicle damage or personal injury caused by potholes in the past five years.6. The criteria and decision-making process for prioritizing road repairs. Is there a schedule or systematic approach to determining which roads are fixed and when? For example, do you prioritize based on traffic volume, pothole size, or a complex algorithm involving tea leaves and horoscopes?7. Finally, if you have any plans to hold an annual 'Barnet Pothole Festival' to celebrate these marvels of unintended topographical engineering, please do let me know. I'd love to attend and will gladly volunteer to hand out 'Best Suspension Destroyer' awards.I acknowledge that you have 20 working days to respond to this request, and I sincerely hope you do so with the vigour and alacrity of someone dodging an unmarked sinkhole on a rainy night.Should you require any clarification or wish to discuss the finer nuances of pothole-related data, I am at your disposal. You can reach me via email or by smoke signal, though the latter might attract less attention than a pothole on Brent Street.P.S. This FOI request is meant in the most respectful spirit of transparency, road safety, and suspension system preservation. Let's work together to ensure Barnet's roads become less of a lunar simulation and more of a drivable surface.
Outcome / Documents
- Response (all information to be supplied) - application/pdf - Download